"Dollar nahin deinge, woh hum rakhain ge"

By Ali Eteraz

Last Saturday in various Pakistani papers at once, Fiza Batool, the daughter of the current Prime Minister of Pakistan, Syed Reza Gilani, wrote one of the most flattering — I don’t think that quite captures it — pieces of political fluff about Bilawal Bhutto, the son of the late Benazir Bhutto and Asif Ali Zardari, the current President of Pakistan. Bilawal, who is 20 and still at Oxford, is being touted as the next leader of the Pakistan’s People’s Party, which was founded by his grandfather, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto. He recently gave a speech to party faithful.

This article by Fiza Batool — who is the mother of a 9-year old and is not some adolescent in high school — exalts Bilawal to godly heights. It must be read in full. Be prepared for gems such as:

Today, he [Bilawal] seemed like an embodiment of perfection, ideally suited to hold the reigns as a true heir to the legend of the party, a people’s man, a true Bhutto.

…and with emphasis added to highlight gap in logic:

It is time to reconcile with the fact that the next generation of the Bhutto’s is ready, ready to take on from where their predecessors left and when Bilawal says, “khoon chaihay, khoon dein gay; sir chahiyay, sir dein gay, jaan chahiyay, jaan dein gay,” [Translation: if you want my blood, I'll give my blood; if you want my head, I'll give my head; If you want my life, I'll give my life'], you know that this young man really means it because his name ‘Bilawal’ means “one without equal”.

(Those that understand Urdu: there was a hilarious riff of Bilawal’s Urdu comment at a Pakistani cricket forum: “I think he forgot to mention ‘dollar chaiyeh woh nahi deingey woh hum rakhein gey.’”) [Translation: If you want dollars, I'll be keeping those].

There is an interesting riposte to Fiza Batool’s article written at Pak Tea House by the lawyer and pundit Yasser Latif Hamdani, who apparently knew Fiza Batool back in the day.

In it Hamdani concludes:

Unfortunately god did not give Jinnah the chance to rid Pakistan of the toadies and feudal types who had tagged along for a ride. And so we have you – the daughter of a feudal prime minister writing praises of a third rate undergrad from Oxford who – had it not been for his mother- would not get into El Camino Community College in California.

Meanwhile, I, Yasser Latif Hamdani, middle class, upstart and without any lands, also the true heir of Mahomed Ali Jinnah’s real political legacy and 10 times the man that Bilawal Zardari will ever be, sadly will never get a chance to rule this country. You see the irony in that Fizza?

Shame on you for writing this article.

Your friend in KG, Prep 1 and Prep 2,

Yasser Latif Hamdani

Pakistan’s elite circles are fairly small. I am sure there will be other responses like Hamdani’s. If you see any please send them my way.