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I love being Pakistani

May 15th, 2011 | 9 Comments

By Ghazala Akbar

I love being the centre of attention in the World media Look at the
fodder we provide Every few months we’re in the news.Not a measly
column or two in the inside pages. Not the last item before the
weather. Headline News, Breaking News.Live coverage.
.
For all the wrong reasons we are a publicist’s dream. We don’t even
demand payment. 24×7 non-stop coverage, exclusive photos, interviews,
all for free! This is some serious collective national talent. PR
companies are studying our methods. Universities are funding research.
People everywhere are asking: How do we manage to do it? How do we
always hog the headlines without even trying!

Every news editor reserves space for us as he designs his final
layout. Newscasters have one ear tuned to their ear pieces for the P
word.Tweeters are up all night. Journalists keep an open air ticket to
Islamabad tucked away in their briefcases. Bags are always packed.
Everyone’s ready to drop everything at the mention of the word …
PAKISTAN.

Major media events these days are being planned with us in mind. I
bet you Kate and William were on tenterhooks all day hoping we
wouldn’t upstage their big day.When Kate entered Westminster
Abbey,Harry turned,smiled and said something to William. What did he
say? Relax bro,no news from Pakistan today! Phew! Luckily for
Wills,Obama took a day to digest the information that the CIA had
given him. Otherwise millions round the World would have missed out on
her dress and the kiss. All eyes would be transfixed on A- BOT- A -
BAD!

Poor ‘Ole Qaddafi. He lost a son.They bombed the hell out of his villa
but it hardly caused a ripple.The Arab Spring is wilting into summer.
It was and should be the big story but we’ve grabbed the attention
again. Sorry Syria, you just have to wait your turn. Hamas and Fatah,
be quiet, ‘We’re reporting live from Islamabad.’

Assassinations, suicide bombers,
gun-battles,terrorists,drugs,turn-coat politicians, match-
fixers,spot- fixers, bigamists and absconding cricketers…you name it
we’ve been through it all. Been there done that! Nature doesn’t spare
us either. If its not a man-made disaster we are also prone to
dramatic natural calamities: earthquake and floods of biblical
proportions.
But nothing that we’ve done so far beats the Mother- of- all-
blunders. Even by our high standards this was breathtakingly
spectacuar. We did it big time
.
How boring the news would be if it weren’t for us Pakistanis.They
would have to have to invent us.
Just love being a Pakistani. Honest. Wish it was for the right reasons,though.

Written by Ghazala Akbar
gazakbar@gmail.com

Written by admin

Filed under: Pakistan · Tags: attention, Ghazala Akbar, Pakistani, William

9 Responses to "I love being Pakistani"

S.Ahmad says:

May 15, 2011 at 9:46 pm

I completely agree with u!
simply 61 says:

May 15, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Feel your anguish…the bad news emanating out of Pakistan is endless…especially gruesome and tragic was the killing of some 80 young recruits a few days ago in retaliation,allegedly, for OBL’s killing.But this too shall soon be forgotten when the next brainwashed, young suicide bomber blows himself up.Why is life not worth living for these guys?What do they feed them to get them to a stage where life here with family and friends becomes unattractive?
Just praying that the tide turnss soon and for the better.
A Shaikh says:

May 15, 2011 at 10:39 pm

CNN BBC AlJazera EU CIA MI5 Mossad we need more dollars please please otherwise Pakistan will be bankcrupt and kiyani and pasha will sell our nukes to Aman Al zawahiri . Give us your dollars otherwise Pakistan army will kidnapp and rape your sisters, mothers and daughters as they did to Bengalis who were poor to pay up.
lawgrade says:

May 15, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Pakistan will be shit out of luck, and attention, when rest of the world starts imagining a world without Pakistan. Get your act together.
Naushad Shafkat says:

May 15, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Brilliant-absolutely Brilliant Ms.!! This is just too good.
DN says:

May 15, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Agreed. Pakistan is such a happening place right now. The CIA after the ISI. The ISI after the CIA. Both after Al-Qaeda. N then both at loggerheads. Who needs a spy movie or a Ludlum/Grisham novel when u can watch events live on your screen happening nearby?
Fellow-Pakistani001 says:

May 16, 2011 at 2:07 am

Last Friday, I was interviewing at a prestigious USA university for a Fellowship position (in Medicine). For better or worse my place of birth is Abbottabad (made infamous in annals of history recently by OBL death than by Captain Abbott of Great Game). Invariably “Abbottabad” came under discussion. Interviewers seemed more interested in “Abbottabad” and my thoughts than what I’ll bring to the medicine. Now Abbottabad is on the map. (Thank you OBL ).
(Anyways, they offered me the position).
Jeddy says:

May 16, 2011 at 1:10 pm

What amazes the world – how is it that against all odds – Pakistan manages to survive. A lesser country would have fallen apart by now.
hiob to jeddy says:

May 16, 2011 at 1:50 pm

to jeddy

Pakistan proves that it is possible to “survive” through blackmail, begging, self-cursing, self-pitying, victim-hood complex, export (kicking out) of the poor and destitute, export of terrorists and mercenaries, looting banks, extorting money through kidnappings and by being a quisling of various racist-imperialist powers (Saudi Arabia, USA, China).

This does not amaze us – it frightens us. We are too decent or careful to hit back at such armed loud-mouthed rogues who value life after death more than life before death. Only a perverse god-concept emphasizes the post mortem “life”.

Rather it amazes us (and should amaze you also) that we, the decent non-violent, non-blackmailing human beings, are surviving in spite of Pakistan and similar roguish nations.