TV gives Ramadan the OTT treatment

By Syed Manzoor Suharwardi
OTT: Over the Top

(idiomatic) Bold; beyond normal, expected, or reasonable limits; excessive; outrageous. (so the wiki says)

It’s one thing living through a lunar month chockfull of regimentally imposed piety. Being subjected to increasingly absurd displays of piousness on the television is quite something else. This maybe an understatement considering the level of silliness TV programming has reached with this edition of Ramadan. Yesteryears had mobile phone service providers offering scripture themed ringtones, naat/hamd available for download waghera waghera. Other products reached out to capitulate on the uniqueness of the month, hence Ramadan was commodified. No harm there. When erstwhile popstars hum jhankar and harmony laid naats during the month…..that too can be taken as an instance of say popularizing the faith for a younger generation.

It is only when you shamelessly try to ape western game/talent shows to serve the self styled virtuous ends on Tee Vee. Dunya TV has this show on its pre-Iftari religious program block that has Ali Haider (latest in the line of popstars turned maulvi albeit wearing a trim beard) hosting a talent show where kids are invited to recite the scriptures in front of three religio-celebrity judges. In turn each of the judge awards a score out of ten along with the obligatory remarks. During the recitation the close up shots of a kid (more often than not dolled up in a waist coat and a Jinnah headwear making him look like a refugee from 80s era PTV) are intercut with a visibly beaming Ali Haider gently nodding his head in feigned admiration. A more cynical me would imagine the recent image makeover of Ali Haider may in due part be caused by the public embarrassment followed by his boozing misadventure not so long ago. Whatever his religio-persuation may be, the fact remains the show attempts to pimp a solemn religious practice in the name of you know exactly what. Never mind the kids, they’ll continue to be exploited right, left and centre by TV concerns all around the world for the rest of eternity.

The pimp bar is raised considerably for this other show on Geo that somewhat parrots the conventions of this real famous talent show that you may have heard of…American Idol sired by the original Pop Idol. The show that goes by the moniker Wah Wah Subhanallahboasts impressive production values for a religio-show in Pakistan. Hosted by a designer kurta and designer beard clad somebody, the show features kids (again) who showcase their naat/hamd reciting talents. Instead of the formulaic three judges, the audiences get a celebrity qari sporting a perpetual disturbing grin. To top it off when the kid on spot is cued to break into his performance, the said celebrity judge puts on a pair of seemingly cumbersome yet fancy looking headphones atop his pagri wrapped head. This ofcourse lends more bling bling quality to the proceedings.

Topping it off is a gameshow on Geo that looks modeled suspiciously after the insanely popular Who Wants to be a Millionaire aka Kaun Banay Ga Karorepati in our part of the world. Alif Laam Meem features the biggest religio-posterboy in Pakistan, namely Maulana JJ. Accompanying him is a set that mirrors that of the aforementioned show replete with the hot seat. Compared to the other two shows, this one blatantly rips off the WWtbM format. Following the FFF (Fast Finger First) stage, Maulana JJ engages the eventual candidate with some nice, homely, hilal banter before patiently explaining the format of the show to the equally patient candidate and then launching into a round of religio-specific MCQs. The show (un)imaginatively subverts the triple lifeline part of the show. Call a Friend is here known as Call a Raifique (Arabic for friend if you were wondering), no improvement on the audience poll..it’s still the boring same. Oddly enough the 50/50 part (for including it would be akin to gambling which every good muslim knows is haram) is forsaken for a resident Alim on the show that the candidate can refer to when he wants to at the risk of making the game more safe and steps down considerably on the risk factor. Not to discount the booming almost menacing religio-hum that serves as a background score to the proceedings.

Alif Laam Meem

Almost every notable Pakistani entertainment channel has a Ramadancentric talent or game show hosted by a decked up popular star. One show even has Omar Sharif playing all reverent and respectful type (it doesn’t work). Suffice to say a month that is considered sacred by every account, espousing posterity and self control….bah ..what’s the use, Ramdan will never be the same again on TV.