Pak Tea House » Opinion » Life is attachment, and attachment pure misery

Life is attachment, and attachment pure misery

December 30th, 2011 | 20 Comments

By Shahbaz Ali khan

Born in a military family, shahbaz’s youth was spent in far too many playgrounds and schools. Having graduated as a Business Management specialist from the UK, Shahbaz has spent the past 8 years experimenting with the frontiers of professional competence by insisting on not specializing in anything but thinking and communicating. Shahbaz currently works for a national corporate advisory body out of the National University of Sciences & Technology, and considers science as the only way forward for Pakistan.

___________________________________

Two men are lying in bed, staring at the television set, depressed.

Both are 31 years of age, both were born in Pakistan, and neither has any real reason to feel downtrodden or despondent.

One, let us call him Mr. B, is lying literally in silk sheets. Sprawled on a bed far too big for him, surrounded by ornaments and the dense fog of immense wealth, Mr. B can look out his window and see the glitter of West California. He is indeed far away from his birthplace, far from his family; none of these he directly attributes to his misery. He has ample companionship, which given his profession is quite normal. At age 13, he knew he wanted to be a film-maker. At 18, he was in an advanced state of conflict with his parents in order to gain passage to film school. Given the opportunity, he enrolled in film classes alongside his regular business classes (in rainy England), and as history would have it, following a string of break through short releases, at age 25 his first feature film (shot entirely in his homeland) gets nominated for the Academy Awards (best foreign film). Though he loses out to an Argentinean film, becoming the first Pakistani to be nominated for an Oscar allows him to walk to the other side of the magic door. He works on 5 films following the first one, and eventually is nominated again in the 30^th year of his life, in the normal category for best film. This time, he wins it. In his quest for success, he has indulged in few excesses, always keeping a strong balance between his work and his need for (passing) happiness. Never self indulgent, he buys his first sports car well after making his first million. He successfully woes a shining young starlet, and in the best traditions of the business, they part ways after 2 years. He feels some sadness at this fact, but a continuum of women in his life makes the facts bare to him; marriage is convenience. He owns 5 ferocious dogs, does not like guns and having never smoked regularly, is considered relatively fit and healthy by doctors. He is revered as a god in Pakistan. Where ever he goes, however he lives, he is tracked, hounded and dissected. Though long used to living without the veil of privacy, where once he enjoyed being worthy of constant mention he now finds it binding. Though he will never admit it, he longs for simplicity. The shadow of the past should be a benign one; yet for all his riches and fame, he does not know whether he has indeed done right by his own self.

The other, Mr. A, is placed on a very normal bed with utterly normal bed sheets. His room is slightly dark, as his window faces on the wall of the adjacent house. He is not in West California, but in Islamabad, Pakistan. He is merely an hour from his birthplace, and even less time would take him to his parents. Though his sister lives in another city, he gets to see her very often, and his wife of 3 years is always by his side, in spirit or in person. At age 13, he knew he wanted to be a film-maker. At 18 however, he was deeply involved in the decadence of youth. He did not stress the need to fulfill his desires, as the flame was never strong enough. He went to business school in England, and despite a rather average academic show, managed a good career with the usual peaks and troughs. Though beset by some financial woes, he considers the bad times as necessary as the good. He missed many opportunities to re-direct his life towards his dreams of youth, and reveled in many excesses. Over-indulgent from the day of his first pay-cheque, he has allowed himself whatever material joy he could afford, and some he could not. Considering he is a regular smoker, he considers himself lucky to not have any medical problems. He owns 3 cuddly cats, and loves guns. Though very popular as a teen, he has few friends and a very small professional network. Though he would never admit it, he is constantly haunted by the specter of what could have been. Despite possessing most of what a man can need to be happy, his heart is filled with regret.

Naturally, person A is a fact, reality in its most singular true sense. He exists and breathes as a natural self; he is me. The real Me. Person B is the man me wishes he was, the alternate fiction, a work of pure imagination that lacks any detailed memory or real experience. Person B is my desire. A and B converge when, upon our 31^st year of life, we find ourselves desolately wanting in any positive emotion or thought. The future for both is hazy, and while B is but my own internal creation, being in B, in the mind’s eye, gives A no real understanding of true desire. Rid of the pain of a singular person (with singular explanations, history and factoids) I can now be a multiple, even if for a brief while. Being multiple makes for good comparison. A cross analysis of a fictional and real state of mind. Both, the divided me, are true.

For life is attachment, to things, to people, to memories, and to regrets. Attachment brings pure misery. If there is any catharsis in what I have written, than it is this: The answer lies in harmony, balance and peace with the natural world.

There are no answers as cogent as the ones provided by Buddhist traditions. Siddhartha said it best, thus presenting people like me a way out.

I hope that this finds the right person at the right time; regret is a machine within the mind. It must be faced with, lived with, appeased. Let there be some peace in your thinking, let your mind become one, and let your life become free.

Featured image from http://rwufeinsteincenter.webs.com/reflection.htm

Written by Editor

Filed under: Opinion · Tags: inner reflection, Life, meaning of life

20 Responses to "Life is attachment, and attachment pure misery"

on a journey says:

December 30, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Thank you for this post. I admire your honesty and openly identifying yourself as person B. Takes courage. I relate to this post because for the past 5 years I have been in a constant battle with the regret module of my mind’s machine. Your post in many ways is an anti virus for me
on a journey says:

December 30, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Correction: I meant person A.
Sana says:

December 30, 2011 at 3:21 pm

So powerful! So beautiful! Waiting for more now….
lady Guinevere says:

December 30, 2011 at 8:05 pm

on a journey! What a nice message from an honest person. Recently I was sent something of the same genre’ that I wish to share here that I believe is appropriate.

“One day a woman’s husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t “anymore”. No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more “just one minute.” Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say”I love you.”

So while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage, close friends and old cars, and children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep — like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.

Life is important, like people we know who are special… and so, we keep them close!

Suppose one morning you never wake up – do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking…I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds that needed to be healed, friendships that needed to be rekindled or three words that needed to be said.

Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don’t love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in case I’m gone tomorrow…

I LOVE You all!!!

Live today because tomorrow is not promised……..”

Lady Guinevere and Happy New Year to one and all!
lady Guinevere says:

December 30, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Correction! To Shahbaz ali Khan! What a nice “Post/Message”, but “On a journey”, I do still wish to commend you for your honesty, however, you are indeed confused but wasn’t that what the article was about?

Lady Guinevere
najmi says:

December 30, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Shahbaz, This was a touching confession and can come from a very special person such as you. Write more often because we need to read the truth to which we can all relate.
on a journey says:

December 31, 2011 at 2:37 am

@ Lady Guinevere

Confused I am. Which is a good thing. For me its an indicator that I’m mulling away in my mind’s machine. Could you kindly please let me know what is it that you picked up on that makes you aware of my confused state?

All Best Wishes.
kaalchakra says:

December 31, 2011 at 4:16 am

Buddhism, like any religion that makes a human being think, is a doomed religion. Those who can/ want to think for themselves are few and those who want to follow are many. Those who think, don’t know; those who don’t, entertain not a shadow of doubt. Those who think, hesitate and those who don’t, act. One wants to know the other’s opinion, the other is convinced of his or her own.

An overwhelming majority of people NEED magic like they need water. They need god. They want to be scolded, abused, saved from themselves. They want to repent and kneel down on their knees. Being right is NOT what most people want. They want to be MORE right than their neighbors.

Buddha was a great thinker. Probably one of the greatest teachers the world has ever known. But he was not a magician. He aimed to explain, to guide; not inspire and awe and make his listeners/readers soil their pants with his words.

Good fellah, but not the kind of person most of us want to listen to or for too long.
Sachbol says:

December 31, 2011 at 8:50 am

kaalchakra
Lord Budha told his followers to become Budha themselves . Snatani teachings say The Knower of Brahm(Supreme Divine) become One or Tat Tvam Asi. Guru Gibind Singh ji made Guru and Chela one. This is the Indic way . Muhamdad said or claimed no such thing but brought in a Godhood which threaten with every drop of the hat. Indic experience of thousands of years has taught us that Godhood do not have such cruel and heavy handed charachter. Nothing against religious Islam but its not a relevant doctrine for the sacred land of India and Indic spiritual temprament. Politial and social Islam require no elaboration, it have been a open secret of indulgence in inbreeding to heart content and killing the members of humanity by the millions.
zeenat says:

January 1, 2012 at 9:00 pm

well written shahbaz.you do write beautifully.profound and honest
Shahbaz Ali-Khan says:

January 2, 2012 at 9:51 am

I want to thank all of you for appreciating what (I had thought) was a very private emotion; having shared the angst I have hoped to reach out to people who understand and share in the ravages of the memory. Nonetheless I should also take the opportunity and point out that, for me, the Buddha’s work is deeply personal and inward looking. To make a religious statement or to have any religious intent is not the point of what I have written. It is merely a small (person specific) expression of the ‘method’ to my ‘madness’. It is not an expose of Buddhism, nor is it a statement on any belief system.
Shahbaz Ali-Khan says:

January 2, 2012 at 10:04 am

@on a journey: I have been in turn touched that what I have written has given someone out there a commonality of understanding. Thanks
Life is attachment, and attachment pure misery | Tea Break says:

January 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm

[...] Life is attachment, and attachment pure misery [...]
lady Guinevere says:

January 3, 2012 at 5:03 am

On a journey! For most of your 5 year journey, I have been your constant companion therefore I understand your confusion! It is quite “catching”, I’m afraid!

Lady Guinevere
hiob says:

January 3, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Creator-god is a sadist cynic. That is what you are basically agreeing to.
lady Guinevere says:

January 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm

hiob; life IS a Journey! Each lifetime is a journey in which we learn many lessons, in fact if in a lifetime we fail to learn a lesson, that in itself is a lesson. Apparently, this lifetime for you has been a very disappointing one because YOU have chosen to make it so. “It is what it is”. Interpret that statement as you wish just as you interpret your life. I would ask that you take a deep breath and look back over your life, even to the worst of times and ask if you did not learn something from it for I will guarantee you that even if it was a terrible experience something came from that experience that changed your life and for the better. Often, it is hard for us to see it and we are reluctant to admit it. I had a terrible thing happen to me this past April but throughout it all, it released me from something I thought was positive when in fact that very thing was quite detrimental to my health.

This past year for me has been full of turmoil and stress but it has also been a wake-up call and I am still sifting through it all finding something new from it every day. I would not have given up this past year’s experience for anything that has happened that I called good in the past of this life’s experience. It is as if God is giving me a chance to “put it all together” in one final exam. I truly believe that it will take me a few more years to “sort it all out” but in the end, I will finally “make my bones”, as I am a Messenger and God has a much greater mission for me in my next lifetime. As you may or may not know, we are in the end of the age of Aquarius and the Earth is about to cleanse itself and the way people live here on our mother planet is about to change drastically. If we were to “see the future” we would probably be very frightened, however, I believe God is preparing me and many others for this greater mission in Earth’s next stage. Please take heart and try not to be so negative and look at your life more as a journey that God has given you to learn from. We are all part of the “One”, which means that we are part of you and therefore we are with you as is God. We love you.

Lady Guinevere
peter says:

January 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Shivdildo and shivlingham worshipping indian rats are everywhere.
observer says:

January 4, 2012 at 12:03 am

Indian rats are better and more self-respecting than bootlickers of arabs.
chikna chaiwala says:

January 4, 2012 at 1:12 am

Folks – I need to get this right. I need to write it down to explain to myself…

1. Pakhanastan is a nation full of people who hate India because India is full of dirty, starving, black kaffirs
2. Pakhanastan is full of devout Muslims of course, but some of those Muslims (Taliban) are against others in shitland saying they are not pure enough
3. The Pakhanis who are declared not pure enough also hate India, but are now running scared and worry that the Taliban will get them. So they want India to bail them out. Having spent 6 decades hating an cursing india, these morons now want India to do something so that their sorry asses will not be ripped up by Taliban.
chikna chaiwala says:

January 4, 2012 at 1:17 am

If apana chikna half-wit drunkard sardarji can clean-bowl these alien pretending rootless Gs, then what to say of normal aam kafir:

Victory over Pakistan by Khushwant Singh

Having written extensively on the India-Pak istan war for Indian and foreign journals, I overlooked mentioning my meetings with two men who played significant roles in the confrontation between the two neighbours: Maulana Bhashani and General Tikka Khan.

Maulana Bhashani was given asylum in India long before the War broke out. He was flown back to an Independent Bangladesh. He should have been greatful to India. But no sooner was he back that he began saying nasty things about India. I flew to Dhaka and drove to his village, some 40 miles away from the capital. He was sitting on the ground talking to some villagers.

I greeted him: “Salam valaikum, Maulana Sahib”. He looked at me and asked: “Barkhurdaar, mujh se baat karne aiye ho?” (Son, have you come to talk to me?). “Ji”, I replied. I asked him why he had become critical of India after what India had done to get them freedom. He had accused India of looting Bangladesh. “Saboot mangtey ho?” (“Do you want proof?”), he asked.
“Ji, kuchh saboot to hona chahiye.” (“Yes, there should be some evidence”). “You say Pakistan looted Bangladesh”, he said.

“Yes, because you told the world Pakistan had looted you”.

“And you captured all the Pakistani army deployed in Bangladesh. All 93,000 of them and took them to India!” “So we did”, I agreed. “Then where did the loot go?” I was left speechless.

A year or so later I happened to be in Islamabad. I wanted to meet General Tikka Khan. He refused to see me. I asked my friend Manzur Qadir, who was the Foreign Minister, to persuade the General. He did so and I turned up at the General’s residence to talk to him. He was not an impressive person. He looked like a bank clerk or a shopkeeper with medium height; there was nothing martial about him. He was very bitter about India. “You painted me as a butcher”, he said. “Let me tell you my soldiers were good Muslims. They did not rape women nor loot any property”.

“Why then were they not able to put up a fight against India? You boasted that one Pakistani soldier was equal to 10 Indian sepoys. What happened? Your army crumbled before the Indians”.

His orderly, a huge Pathan, butted in “Awaam hamaarey khilaaf ho gaya tha.” – (“The common people turned against us”).

“There must have been good reasons for their doing so”, I said. There was a long period of silence. I then pointed to the tablet on the mantlepiece with a line from the Koran: “What does it say?” I asked. The General read out the Arabic and its English translation: “Allah grants victory to one whose cause is just.” “So Allah granted India victory because its cause was just”.