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Pakistanis Return Home

By Usman Ahmed:

The Statistician

Leading statistics have shown a startling rise in Pakistani migrants returning home. The most recent report, conducted by the Go Back To Your Own Blasted Country Alliance, estimated that at least one million migrants had returned to their country of origin.

Experts believe that these changing patterns stem not from global recession, but because more and more Pakistanis are failing to adjust to life abroad.

Maghfoor Jatoi went to the Netherlands in 2008 to ‘send lots of EURO’s back to my parents’. Now, however, he has decided to make his permanent home back in Pakistan.

‘Even though I was earning enough money for me and my family’, says Jatoi, ‘my employers expected me to come on time and actually do some work. There was also only one tea-break in the whole day and any kind of gup-shup was frowned upon. It’s ridiculous. I don’t understand how they get anything done.”

“I have come back to be near my loved ones. Here I feel safe and comfortable and I can drink as much tea as I want. Who needs EURO’s when you can have dood patti.”

Another returnee, Khalid Kandeel Kalsoom, paints a far bleaker picture.

According to Kalsoom, ‘It was just too peaceful. I was in Finland for six years and there wasn’t a single bomb blast or deadly protest. A lack of death and destruction has made Europeans far too civilised. I missed the indiscriminate killing of innocents and terrorist attacks in my local bazaar. Life in Pakistan is definitely more thrilling.’

With growing disillusionment and ever increasing number of migrants are preparing to join Jatoi and Kalsoom back in their homeland.

Shafiq Amir, who has spent six of his eight years in the USA in prison, has ‘had enough’ and is preparing to return to Pakistan in the summer.

‘About six months after I arrived here, he says, ‘I ran over a cyclist. This is something that happens every day in Pakistan. But, here they gave me four years for reckless endangerment. Obviously, I most graciously offered the police some rishwat, and instead of gratefully accepting it they added another two years to my sentence. I have no rights here.’

Only a month after being released from prison, Amir was fined $3000 for using racial slurs.

‘All these kalas and goras are far too sensitive. I for one will never be going back.’

According to the current data, many it seems agree with him.

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24 Responses to "Pakistanis Return Home"

  1. SB United Kingdom Google Chrome Windows says:

    Wicked humour.

  2. Faiza Pakistan Google Chrome Windows says:

    Hats off to you, I am impressed Usman, Keep it up.

  3. Salman Ahmed Pakistan Google Chrome Windows says:

    Pakistan is going through tough time. but hopefully it will pass away soon :(

  4. AKB Pakistan Opera Windows says:

    As long as Pakistanis keep making money in rich countries they have no desire to return home…..those who had made a lot of money in foreign rich countries if return back home are misfits and maladjusted in their own country. Those who fail in foreign countries return home because of failure to adjust there, they are simply frustrated. A few who have bad experience with authorities in foreign countries return due to their failure to realize their mistakes….and blame others.

  5. romain United States Internet Explorer Windows says:

    Brilliant!!!!

  6. Kamath. Canada Safari iPad says:

    It is terribly unfair for some one to make fun of returning -Pakistanis. Some , a small insignificant number, may hav been misfits outside Pakistan. But, Pakistan will be greatly benefitted by returnees. They will bring, new ideas in business, science and technology, liberal ideas of human rights, justice, law etc. etc. This turn-around event may even be the beginning of new Islamic Renaissance in Pakistan. A stable, prosperous, Islamic democratic polity in Pakistan is good for everyone. Inshallah!

  7. tams Pakistan Google Chrome Windows says:

    @Kamath, your points are entirely valid, but I think the point of the article is not poke fun at returning Pakistanis. Its more a satire on the state of Pakistan today and the depressing reality that at the moment this country is not fit to be called a home.

  8. Ahmad Mustansar Pakistan Internet Explorer Windows says:

    Lawlessness is what defines Pakistan best. The article successfully highlights the rampant corruption and ever- increasing disorder in the ‘Islamic’ republic.

  9. Ahmad Mustansar Pakistan Internet Explorer Windows says:

    Good one!

    Lawlessness is what defines the ‘Islamic’ Republic of Pakistan best.

  10. SB United Kingdom Google Chrome Windows says:

    This piece is funny on several levels and therein lies its brilliance. It is wonderfully worded; oozing with ‘deadpan’ humour. It is a great study of our current-day Pakistani psyche which is as hilarious as it is tragic. It gives an accurate picture of some of us immigrants in far-flung lands, again both serious and comical.

    And yes, the humour is ‘wicked’ in the modern sense, of course.

  11. Kamath Canada Google Chrome Windows says:

    Tam , my friend: When things do not improve endlessly, all that remains is Hope. In that case, give back to the society you live what you owe- hardwork, loyality, charity, understanding and love. Home is where you and your family reside and are taken care off by the state and its machinery with good governance and protection.

  12. Khizer United Arab Emirates Internet Explorer Windows says:

    Reading this only reinforces my resolve not to return to des as long as pardes would have me. How sad.

  13. AKB Pakistan Opera Windows says:

    As long as Pakistanis keep making money in
    rich countries they have no desire to return home…..
    those who had made a lot of money in foreign rich
    countries if return back home are misfits and
    maladjusted in their own country. Those who fail
    in foreign countries return home because of failure
    to adjust there, they are simply frustrated.
    A few who have bad experience with authorities
    in foreign countries return due to their failure
    to realize their mistakes….and blame others.

  14. AKB Pakistan Opera Windows says:

    ”An Afghan, upon landing at Islamabad Airport, introduced himself to a
    Pakistan Immigration Officer, as Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping of
    Afghanistan.
    The Pakistani Officer was surprised, and asked: “But there is no sea in
    Afghanistan. How can you be the Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping?
    The Afghan replied: “Oye Haramzaade ki aulad, don’t you have a Minister for
    Law & Justice in Pakistan?””

  15. kaalchakra United States Safari  Android 4.0.4 LG-MS770 Build/IMM76I says:

    AKB, that is why I love reading your comments, my friend. Unfortunately that also means one has to read complete dunderheads like Mr Kamath. What a tragedy.

  16. Faruk United States Safari Mac OS says:

    Kaalchakra,
    Read about a certin Mr. Qadri who has just returned and then read Kamath’s post. It might give you a diferent perspective,

    Regards,

    Faruk

  17. mahee Pakistan Google Chrome Windows says:

    usman, this is the funniest of all posts i read today..

  18. mahee Pakistan Google Chrome Windows says:

    akb,
    pakistanis are not happy in foriegn countries because of the environment most of all..i dont agree with your sadistic pessimist views.

  19. AKB Pakistan Google Chrome Windows says:

    @ Mahee
    You are a sick person, not happy in Pakistan, not happy in Indoostan and now not happy abroad!! You are really sick and fickle!

  20. beacon India Mozilla Firefox Windows says:

    to AKB

    An honest intelligent peaceful person is unhappy in today’s world (esp. in Pakistan). That (and that unhappiness) is no sign of sickness.

    Dishonest, foolish and harm-causing persons are happy in today’s world (esp. in Pakistan) – they are even assured a place in some allah’s heaven. This assurance multiplies their happiness by a factor of 13 and makes them eager to be more dishonest, more foolish and more harmful. Pakistan’s religion, imported from Arabia, is like that.

  21. Moin Ramiz Pakistan Google Chrome Windows says:

    my most of friend left Pakistan because failed to get good jobs even with engineering degrees.

  22. I do not even know how I finished up right here, but I believed this submit was once good. I don’t recognise who you are but definitely you’re going to a well-known blogger if you are not already. Cheers!

  23. tin nong Ukraine Internet Explorer Windows says:

    Thật bổ ích xin cảm ơn

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