Interview of a Social Worker

By Andeel Ali

Dear Readers! Greetings, Social Work has become the talk of the town, every second person calls him/herself a social worker, social activist or youth activist. Today we reached out to a famous social activist and interviewed him.

We are hopeful you will take useful lessons out of this interview.

Interviewer: It is a real pleasure to meet an accomplished social worker please share with our readers how you got motivated to step in the field of social work and community development.

Social Worker: Well I wanted to be famous! By becoming a doctor I had to work really hard, it would take 20-30 years to become expert in field and only then I could appear in TV programs or conferences to discuss complex issues. Social Workers are frequently invited in conferences, seminars and TV shows.

Interviewer: You are very humble and sarcastic! Do let us know what is the prime reason, for which you are invited in conferences. In other words what do you discuss in such events?

Social Worker: Nothing! I just go there to capture selfies! I am known for being known! I don’t have too much to talk about, but when I come to rostrum I just say that, Get a selfie stick! Be bold! Just barge in! Get a selfie! Post it on twitter, facebook, Instagram, Google+ everywhere! Spam! Spam! Spam! And, viola you will be a social worker too, in no time! Oh and I do networking over there too!

Interviewer: You are still being sarcastic, so tell our readers how you network with other social workers.

Social Worker: Ummm, I don’t it is them who come to me! Simple.

Interviewer: Is it your charisma or your intellect?

Social Worker: No, it is my car! Most of them are concerned how they will reach home specially females, as the hotels where social working happens are in downtown Karachi and that is pretty far away from the residential areas. They can get conveyance but that is expensive. Therefore, I help them out.

Interviewer: That’s so nice of you. But, tell us does this networking helps you in real life too?

Social Worker: I collect visiting cards! They help me in escaping police and I flash them in front of other social workers too. Some of them are inspired by me some get jealous.

Interviewer: Tell us something about your signature social working strategies; we want our reader to learn from you.

Social Worker: I am known for celebrating Valentine Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Grandparents Day, Sweetest Day, Flower Day, Friendship Day, etc.

Interviewer: This sounds absurd! Particularly Valentine’s day, what it has to do with social work?

Social Worker: I celebrate Valentine Day with the poor, Mothers Day with fathers, Fathers Day with mothers, Grandparents Day with parents, Sweetest Day again with poor, Flower Day with the poor too and Friendship Day is also dedicated to the poor.

Interviewer: Can you explain your modus operandi?

Social Worker: Please speak English!

Interviewer: How you “celebrate” these days?

Social Worker: I have identified some old age houses and foster homes. On these days, I spend time with these unfortunate people. In addition, the other social workers I have networked with accompany me. I have many poor acquaintances particularly females, on these days, I give them easy load, take them out for lunch and dinner, their happiness aspires me.

Interviewer: OK, you have just identified seven days, what about the rest of the year? Who visits them in the rest of 358 days?

Social Worker: There are some selfless people who go there daily some of them are paid others are just considers this their duty. But, they aren’t social workers as they don’t post their activities on facebook, nor they appear on TV, neither they are covered by Press. I think they have a lot of free time.

Interviewer: But aren’t these Hall Mark days? Developed particularly for commercial purposes? Why don’t you observe UN days?

Social Worker: Undays? You mean Eggs? What eggs have to do with social work? I am interested in promoting positivity! What is better than Valentine Day?

Interviewer: I meant to say United Nations’ Official Days. For e.g.  International Day against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking, International Day in Support of Victims of Torture, World Day of Social Justice, International Day of Happiness, World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development, World No-Tobacco Day, International Day of Cooperatives, International Human Solidarity Day.

Social Worker: They sound so boring! I may have attended some seminars on these days, for networking. However, I think observing these days is a responsibility of the UN. I am a social worker I do real stuff.

Interviewer: Tell us something about your future plans.

Social Worker: I am in contact with some international social workers; they spend half of their year abroad, visiting foreign countries, taking international selfies. Once they tell me how to fill the forms then I’ll join their ranks too.

Interviewer: So you mean you want to become a voluntourist.

Social Worker: Is that what they call it? Cool.

Interviewer: Tell me what are your views about the MDGs? And, how we could involve in the designing and planning of the SDGs?

Social Worker: I am not a chemical engineer! I don’t know how these emerging fuels work. I just rely on CNG. That too isn’t available most of the time.

Interviewer: Sir, I was asking about the Millennium Development Goals and the Sustainable Development Goals.

Social Worker: They sound boring. I don’t follow these foreign agendas. I am involved in the true social work.

Interviewer: Hmmm, tell us about your hobbies, do you blog?

Social Worker: Blog? No! That’s something nerds and geeks do! I am a doer not a writer.

Interviewer: But they say words are mightier than the sword!

Social Worker: Good quotation, wait, let me post it on my wall and official page.

Interviewer: You have your own page? Nice! It is really great to know that you have more than 5000 fb friends.

Social Worker: No, no! My friends are around 2000, although I am trying my level best to befriend many more people, but fb keeps blocking my efforts. Jealous website! My official page has around 200 likes and counting.

Interviewer: Why do you needed a page when you have a profile?

Social Worker: Every social worker needs official page. That’s the rule.

Interviewer: Never heard of it. So what are you going to do next? Let us know may be our readers would like to join you efforts.

Social Worker: I am going to raise funds to buy a New DSLR camera. You know that is the next big thing! With that, I can capture crystal clear shots of my social work.

Interviewer: Abdul Sattar Edhi, Akhtar Hameed Khan and Hakeem Saeed never relied on SLRs or selfies why don’t you follow them?

Social Worker: You are confusing me! Hakeem Saeed was a Hakeem, I am not, I don’t even know who Akhter Hameed Khan was and yes, I am inspired by Edhi Sahab, I really want to get a four wheel drive ambulance. That way I can reach to places at lightning speed.

Interviewer: What? You want to use ambulance as a private vehicle.

Social Worker: Ambulances are not just used to transfer patients to hospitals; they are used to transfer paramedics to the emergency as well. My entry in many events is of extreme importance I could save lives with my motivational speeches, I think this justifies the cause.

Interviewer: I am going to conclude my interview; do you have a message for our readers?

Social Worker: I have a message for the government. Give us a plot and a government job. Social work isn’t an easy job. We have to meet so many people, spend so much on commuting, all the expenses on our personal grooming and accessories. All of this costs a lot. Help us out. Otherwise, there will be no one to take care of you on the valentine day!

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece; the character interviewed in this work is fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. By the way, if the characteristics cited above are found in you then you should worry. #JustSayin #AchaSorry